A few hours ago we had 17 people over for Thanksgiving. They comprised four generations and ranged in age from 3 to 84. In that setting, it’s not hard to find reasons to be thankful.
I have to assume my experience was not unique. Whatever wrinkles individual families apply to their personal celebrations, more than any American holiday, we do Thanksgiving pretty much the same. It may look, smell and taste different next door, but chances are very good that it all boils down to family and food.
Thanksgiving is also distinguished by the fact that its purpose - first declared by Abraham Lincoln - holds true today. So many of us actually use the day to step back and give thanks for what we have. Gluttony aside, it’s a good holiday; one that tends to reveal the best of human nature.
This year, the fourth Thursday in November couldn’t have come too soon. After all, it’s hard to turn on a television, open a newspaper, a magazine, or a web browser without finding a young celebrity with so little to be thankful for.
Foremost among them is Bristol Palin, who has been challenged equally by temptation and rhythm in her young life. She had this to say upon learning she had advanced to the final round of ABC’s megahit Dancing With The Stars. “Going out there and winning this would mean a lot. It would be like a big middle finger to all the people out there who hate my mom and hate me.”
Not to be outdone, second-year quarterback Mark Sanchez addressed the assembled press after leading his New York Jets to a miracle finish over the Houston Texans a few days later. He informed them, “All the haters just motivate me to win.”
Where are these “haters”? I watched the 24-year-old Sanchez perform in front of 82,500 adoring fans; a large percentage of whom chose to wear his souvenir jersey. The price they pay for their tickets – some more than $1,000 – goes a long way toward funding his $50 million contract.
Maybe it’s me, but I would think those fans in the stands would provide motivation and might even merit some gratitude in Sanchez's press conference. And what about young Ms. Palin? The 20-year-old had been swept into the DWTS finals and the big payday that comes with it because millions and millions of people made an unprecedented effort to vote her in despite her well documented shortcomings. But she also chose to see the negative. These nouveau celebs seem to think those who love them are simply doing the right thing and everyone else must be a “hater”.
Unfortunately, these are not isolated individuals. Sanchez and Palin are closer to the norm than we’d like to believe. When I typed “haters” into my Google box, I got nearly 4,000,000 hits including quotes from Lindsey Lohan, Lebron James and Lil Wayne (and that’s just the “L’s”).
Truth be told, I’m still not certain exactly what a “hater” is, but it’s hard for me to understand why young people seem so angry and consumed by them every time someone suggests they are less than perfect. I hope as they grow older they replace their bravado and sense of entitlement with grace and gratitude.
They would be well served to heed the young Mike Tyson, nobody’s idea of a great philosopher. Iron Mike delivered a simple gem when asked long ago about his reaction to a three-year prison sentence. According to the ex-heavyweight champ, “You can’t say ‘why me?’ about the bad things in your life if you’re not going to say ‘why me?’ about the good things in your life.”
It was a brilliant observation from a less-than-brilliant guy. Today’s young stars and those who admire them would be wise to learn from it. Somehow I doubt too many of them are taking the time to ask 'why me?' about their good fortune.
I asked myself that question today as I reflected on the positive. Of course, I also dwelled a bit on the negative and thought about who was no longer there. But I tried to be thankful for the time we once had. After all, Thanksgiving is the most nostalgic day of the year. Because our annual celebrations are so uniform, it is too obvious who is missing from one year to the next. Over half a century, my own great-grandmother, grandparents and parents have passed away and left their seats empty at our Thanksgiving table. Many others who joined us at one time or another have moved on due to death, divorce, new priorities or lack of interest. But I can still close my eyes and smell my Aunt’s perfume as clearly as my Mom’s stuffing. I can still remember kids’ tables, restaurant tables, aunt’s tables and sibling’s tables. I remember good times and bad including a Thanksgiving spent sick in bed as a small boy and the Pilgrim-themed coloring book that my parents bought to occupy my time after The March of the Wooden Soldiers and the Macy’s Parade came to an end.
I also remember that, without fail, our elders reminded us exactly what we had for which to be thankful. As I transitioned first to the “grownups table” and eventually to host and the elder status that confers, I tried to remember those lessons and make sure the denizens of the “kids table” understood exactly why they give thanks today. I feel like I owe it to those empty seats as much as to the youngsters under my roof.
I don’t know Bristol Palin, Mark Sanchez, Lil Wayne, Lindsey Lohan and Lebron James. They may all be fine human beings. But I truly hope that when they sat down for their own family feasts they found something to be grateful for other than the “haters” who make them excel. And if they couldn’t, I hope the elders they look up to reminded them of what Thanksgiving is all about.
I have to assume my experience was not unique. Whatever wrinkles individual families apply to their personal celebrations, more than any American holiday, we do Thanksgiving pretty much the same. It may look, smell and taste different next door, but chances are very good that it all boils down to family and food.
Thanksgiving is also distinguished by the fact that its purpose - first declared by Abraham Lincoln - holds true today. So many of us actually use the day to step back and give thanks for what we have. Gluttony aside, it’s a good holiday; one that tends to reveal the best of human nature.
This year, the fourth Thursday in November couldn’t have come too soon. After all, it’s hard to turn on a television, open a newspaper, a magazine, or a web browser without finding a young celebrity with so little to be thankful for.
Foremost among them is Bristol Palin, who has been challenged equally by temptation and rhythm in her young life. She had this to say upon learning she had advanced to the final round of ABC’s megahit Dancing With The Stars. “Going out there and winning this would mean a lot. It would be like a big middle finger to all the people out there who hate my mom and hate me.”
Not to be outdone, second-year quarterback Mark Sanchez addressed the assembled press after leading his New York Jets to a miracle finish over the Houston Texans a few days later. He informed them, “All the haters just motivate me to win.”
Where are these “haters”? I watched the 24-year-old Sanchez perform in front of 82,500 adoring fans; a large percentage of whom chose to wear his souvenir jersey. The price they pay for their tickets – some more than $1,000 – goes a long way toward funding his $50 million contract.
Maybe it’s me, but I would think those fans in the stands would provide motivation and might even merit some gratitude in Sanchez's press conference. And what about young Ms. Palin? The 20-year-old had been swept into the DWTS finals and the big payday that comes with it because millions and millions of people made an unprecedented effort to vote her in despite her well documented shortcomings. But she also chose to see the negative. These nouveau celebs seem to think those who love them are simply doing the right thing and everyone else must be a “hater”.
Unfortunately, these are not isolated individuals. Sanchez and Palin are closer to the norm than we’d like to believe. When I typed “haters” into my Google box, I got nearly 4,000,000 hits including quotes from Lindsey Lohan, Lebron James and Lil Wayne (and that’s just the “L’s”).
Truth be told, I’m still not certain exactly what a “hater” is, but it’s hard for me to understand why young people seem so angry and consumed by them every time someone suggests they are less than perfect. I hope as they grow older they replace their bravado and sense of entitlement with grace and gratitude.
They would be well served to heed the young Mike Tyson, nobody’s idea of a great philosopher. Iron Mike delivered a simple gem when asked long ago about his reaction to a three-year prison sentence. According to the ex-heavyweight champ, “You can’t say ‘why me?’ about the bad things in your life if you’re not going to say ‘why me?’ about the good things in your life.”
It was a brilliant observation from a less-than-brilliant guy. Today’s young stars and those who admire them would be wise to learn from it. Somehow I doubt too many of them are taking the time to ask 'why me?' about their good fortune.
I asked myself that question today as I reflected on the positive. Of course, I also dwelled a bit on the negative and thought about who was no longer there. But I tried to be thankful for the time we once had. After all, Thanksgiving is the most nostalgic day of the year. Because our annual celebrations are so uniform, it is too obvious who is missing from one year to the next. Over half a century, my own great-grandmother, grandparents and parents have passed away and left their seats empty at our Thanksgiving table. Many others who joined us at one time or another have moved on due to death, divorce, new priorities or lack of interest. But I can still close my eyes and smell my Aunt’s perfume as clearly as my Mom’s stuffing. I can still remember kids’ tables, restaurant tables, aunt’s tables and sibling’s tables. I remember good times and bad including a Thanksgiving spent sick in bed as a small boy and the Pilgrim-themed coloring book that my parents bought to occupy my time after The March of the Wooden Soldiers and the Macy’s Parade came to an end.
I also remember that, without fail, our elders reminded us exactly what we had for which to be thankful. As I transitioned first to the “grownups table” and eventually to host and the elder status that confers, I tried to remember those lessons and make sure the denizens of the “kids table” understood exactly why they give thanks today. I feel like I owe it to those empty seats as much as to the youngsters under my roof.
I don’t know Bristol Palin, Mark Sanchez, Lil Wayne, Lindsey Lohan and Lebron James. They may all be fine human beings. But I truly hope that when they sat down for their own family feasts they found something to be grateful for other than the “haters” who make them excel. And if they couldn’t, I hope the elders they look up to reminded them of what Thanksgiving is all about.
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